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My husband and I came home a little early from work and walked in on our daughter going at it on the couch. She locked her self in her room. She is no longer locked in her room. but she still won't talk to us. It's been three days now. She is fourteen. Is it normal for a girl her age to do this? HELP
If the question is, if it's normal for a fourteen year old girl to masturbate, of course it is. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Unfortunately she is embarrassed and it will take some time for this to pass. It might be the perfect time for the "talk". Just reassure her how normal it is and that everyone does it. Even her mom when she was her age, right? But if she doesn't want to talk, I don't think you should press the issue. That might make it worse.
totally normal... i started exploring my body when i was her age!! now im 19 and i still do it! totally healthy... you could take this oppertuninty to have the "talk" with her!
I would put this out of your mind and try to forget about this. This girl must be totally embarrassed and upset, if you say anything it may cause her to become more distance from you. Give her time to come around and dont ever mention it to her..
Why must you try and burn bridges?
It would be smarter to sit down and make her sit down to talk to you about it. This is completely normal and you need to make sure that it gets through her thick skull that it is, remember teenagers have a cloudy thought process and it may take some time for her to realize that this nothing to be embarrassed about. That being said I remember when my mom caught me doing this. I didn't think people still pointed while they laughed.
the best way to do it is to confront her, so buy some lube and a dildo and do it together, make it latst about an hour and then try it on each other
Yikes! If my parents caught me doing that I would promptly chug a bottle of vicodin and end it all!
god! she's just embarrased beyond belief, she'll get over it just act like it never happend and she'll forget eventually
You definitely have done the right thing by giving her space, but not pretending that it didn't happen. Its going to be best for you- without her dad- to take time when you know its right (you can't schedule the talk like you could have before) to talk to her, and let her know that there's nothing wrong with her, and you guys don't view her any differently than before.
Yesh-
Can I say embarrasing. Its perfectly normal but god lord it must have been humilating- your parents finding you doing it. I think Id just want to be swallowed by the ground. Just reassure and make sure she knows theres NOTHING wrong with it.
its obvious she totally embarrassed#1i dont think you should say anything about it she wont like you to believe me!i owuld be so embarrassed and never want anything said again.
It is perfectly normal for a 14 yr old girl to masturbate herself, I was giving myself love from age of 11 or thereabouts, so was my sister.
The thing is, at the age of 14 most girls are getting sensitive about others seeing their bodies or things to do with their sexuality (Luckily my folks were hippies and masturbation was more open and free)
If she was nude she might be deeply embarrassed if you saw her naked, even if she was not, if she was really Into the act, she might be deeply humiliated - particularly if her father was there.
What I would suggest is that you find a time when its just you girls, then sit down and explain to her that pleasuring oneself is nothing to be ashamed of, that everyone does it at times, even you and her dad, but it really should (in most cases) be done in private.
October Marie
Its definatly normal! shes probli been doing it for longer than you think to be honest lol
shes embaressed about it cos shes a teenager and i think the best think to do would be to pretend it never happened unless she brings it up.
i'm 17 so i know what i'm talking about lol
NORMAL. My dad walked in on me when I was 13. We both ignored it and now at 24, we have a normal relationship :)
Normal...and normal for her to feel ashamed about being caught..
Not so normal for her to be doing it on the couch as oppose to in private?
No real solution either, its just something that needs time to be forgotten. Perhaps the mother should let her know there was nothing wrong with what she was doing and then never speak about it again lol
pretty normal. actually, most people lose their virginity in their teen years
I once walked in on my younger sister. she was doin the same thing but with a vibrator. I quickly pretended that I isn't see her and walked away but she knew tht I did.
We didn't then talk for about a week. I decided to just ignore it at first and not talk about it. But this didn't help as we couldn't talk about anything else. It got pretty bad for us both. I could tell she was embarrassed.
I then decided to confront her with it to try to bring things back to normal. She cried at first and said she feels really bad but the more we got talking the better she got. Eventually I offered to give her a hand in future at being the vibrator when her batteries ran out. We had lots of fun together. She had the best times of her young life. she even 'thanked' me for helping her.
She eventually got over it and we both became better siblings and friends. So you see you should maybe ignore the people on here that say you should keep quiet and try to talk about it. It worked for us.
Beat of luck. Let me know how it goes.
Yeh thats the answer everyone wants to hear, incest.
Not only do you have problems with actually being involved with incest, you actually present it as advice and nothing being wrong with it.
Disgusting.
You would be surprised at how common such things are. A lot of twins tend to comfort each other, because they can tell when the other is feeling blue, and that makes them want to comfort themselves. Believe it or not it appears as if this young lady has had an emotional attraction to her brother, and confused it with being sexual, due to the situation.
Completely normal. Have a VERY short conversation with her, as follows: Everyone does it. No biggie. Sorry we surprised you. Love you. You're a normal, great teenager.
Oh god...that's just...terrible :( I really feel for your daughter. I would want to die if it were me.
Anyhow, the above poster knows what s/he is talking about.
Do not mention it to her! I started when I was about eleven. Just let her be, it's her body.
oh christ here we go again the exact same happned to me when my mum once jumped in on me well you know doing it and i wouldnt talk to her for a week because i thought she was going to try a give me a lecture and tell me to get a girlfreind but instead she just told me it was perfectly normal and my dad was always like that which in a way comforted me because i look up to my dad so maybe say(and this isnt in a dirty way)you or her supposudley roll model probably or did do the same and put it in a upbeat context so laugh when you say it maybe to be honest im not a female and i dont know what goes through your heads
I have a question for this question. Is it normal to NOT masturbate when you're a teenage girl?
I was at my driend's house (one for whatever reason, I don't remember) and I thought I'd rub one out. Anyways, I was jerking like a mad man and her mom opened the door and shut it real quick. I know she saw me but neither of us ever said anything about it. And No, I didn't stop. I finished like a champ. :)
Give her a couple bucks and say go shopping! then talk over with your doctor about it! when my daughter masterbated when she was 15! I did the same thing! It helped putting a diaper on my daughter and not letting her use the toilet she has to go in the diaper! I wouldn't say its punishment but i wouldn't say she just gets off the hook!! JUST REMEMBER WHAT EVER YOU DO!!!! DONT HAVE THE "TALK" WITH HER! That will make everything more awkward! aanother thing that My friend sharrel said is to set up a hidden camera that she can see but cant turn off and say that were watching you even though you aren't and she'll be to scared to do it again!
Approaching her this soon could seriously harm her confidence...i agree with the majority,if she chooses to discuss it then go ahead. It's her call
Damn was it shaved? Pierced? If not, I wouldn't worry too much about her masterbating. Better than walking in on some dude wearing it out doggie style.
It's normal for teenage girls to do that. When I was a teen I was like that. I was the prostitute of my school.
Masturbating at that age is perfectly normal. Treating her normally and not mentioning it would probably the best course of action.
Geeeeezzzz just give her some time.
She's just embarrassed cause she got caught doing something that's totally "NORMAL".
Caught by her parents, who wouldn't be?
Ya its normal, if you make a big deal out of it she may have problems later in life thinking sex is bad. My mum brought my sisters a vibrator as soon as they had their first period, as she put it "if you bleed your ready to know what your body is about.
if only she got at it in her room at the first place... you do knock before enter right? :P
Single dad walked in on me doing that, my uncle, many other relatives. I was drunk all those times though so it didn't really count haha.
Well if I were your daughter I would NEVER want the incident to be mentioned again. I would hate it if my mom came to me and told me that what I was doing was normal. That just brings up the issue again and reminds you that your parents saw it. I would just pretend like it never happened and leave her alone. Plus, she probably is already aware that it is normal.
My daughter years ago walked in on my husband and I. She was very embarressed and so were we. We didn't hear her come home. It took a few days for me to approach her and talk about it. She felt very awkward, but the next day she said she was glad that I came to her and said something. Please talk. It looks like this thread is kinda old. I hope things will work out or they have already.
They're called hormones... Just wait for the surprises you'll get when she starts dating. ;)
Sad to say but this day in time it is at that age. It seems to be getting younger & younger. And I hate it bc I've still got one more girl & she's 8yrs old. It makes me want to lock her up in the house until she's 18 or even 20yrs old. lol
1.Yep, its normal for her, wait a little
2.Dont worry if u had a boy thats a loser he'll be jacking of till he's 19.
3.She's just getting to know her body
My mom caught me twice. My sister caught me twice. My brother caught me once. It f'king sucks man. You think you're safe.. But there is always that one thing you forgot to do while gathering the excitement of an upcoming date with your penis. Like me.. She was likely in a different state of mind while waxing her private. When you're in the zone.. Sounds are meaningless. A door opening is the last thing you'll click to.
Maybe tell her it's normal and that she has nothing to be ashamed about.
reassure her that masturbating is normal, don't want to give her weird guilt complexes haha.
Masturbation, even sex (though not recommended) is normal at this age. Her embarrassment is high, which is clearly why shes silent.
As parents you're going to need to let her know that its okay, everyone does this, and that it's not the end of the world and doesn't change your love for her or how you see her. Let her know that you don't have to talk about it specifically ever again and you can, as of that moment put the whole "incident" in the shredder and forget about it.
A couple days is a bit excessive i think but other than that, this is completely normal.
Well, what were you doing at 14 or don't you remember. What a stupid thing to ask. I'd say your daughter is more normal than you and if she recovers from the embarrasment of being interupted, she may be a better parent than you are. It's very normal for children between 5-13 to also get naked in front of each other and masturbate. Is there anything else you're clueless about?
I've been doing that since I can remember very young - my oldest son started very young too- at age 13 he was a full blown hariy man physically and asked me for condoms.... he's been with he same girl 5yrs now... I didn't get him that first condom- tried to put him off- - he came home and smiled at me and said it was too late.. explain to her it's alright and you did the same at least you don't have boys-- hell my younger one was using socks-- I wondered why they were all missing LOL I got him baby oil now he takes long showers....
You've gotten a lot of comments already, but just wanted to chime in: it is perfectly normal.
Your daughter is at a stage in her life when she's got a lot of feelings to try to sort out and understand. She's also at a phase when many girls are extremely self-conscious.
Unless you have a problem with her masturbating, you need to find a non-intrusive way to let her know that it's OK to explore her body and her feelings. Let her know that it doesn't change the way you and your husband feel toward her, and that it shouldn't change the way she feels about you guys.
She might not want to discuss it openly, but she needs to know that it's OK or an event like that can have lasting consequences on her life and her relationships in the future. She should feel good about her sexuality and about exploring it on her own--it is perfectly safe and perfectly healthy, and it would be a shame for her to feel ashamed about it needlessly.
yes it's normal and u can buy a vibrator and put in her drawer they feel better and keep them away from the real thing
That's the age most girls start exploring there bodies. Don't make her feel akward about it atleaet she is Doing herself. If I would have know about masterbation at that age I would have never had sex. Be happy that its just a finger.
I think you should at least talk to her and ask her not to do it on the couch for heaven's sake!Was she watching a movie with a hot guy in it or something?
You know, your daughter is about ready to "go at it" with a guy. That is what is going to happen very, very soon. Believe me. I have a 14 year old brother and some girl he knows has already "got it on" with some guy.
This is very normal....poor girl is just probably VERY embarrassed. Go on your normal everyday life & pretend you never saw it. It's a part of life.
she is embarassed, give her a little space. then when your by yourself around her tell her that is okay.. make some story up about the time your parents caught you...tell her the next time she does it, try the bathroom or a room with a lock.. also tell her that this is natrual
It's normal for this to happen. I have a 16 year old and a 13 year old that i cought at age 12 both was very up set when i cought them i did not try to but it happend and i let them cool off for a day or two then i talked to them about it . both girls lost there mom and me as there dad had to talk to them so give her time to cool off and then you talk to her but you as her mom need to do this it will be better coming from you than her dad.
i was having sex when i was fifteen so yea just tell her its natural and who cares is it a crime to touch yourself.
I agree with Robin-- def just say something short and sweet. Its important to make sure that as she grows up she knows sex and masturbating are normal things, and its best if she talks to you, I'm an 18 year old girl and I talk to my mom about masturbating all the time, some of my friends think its weird but we think its great that we are so open about it. Good luck
Odd as it is its normal, but why do it on the couch when you have a much more comfortable bed in your room where u can lock the door..
Fourteen eh? She's too young to be having sex. Obviously she is embarrassed. Just let her get over it and in time, she will talk to you eventually. Try not to bring it up when she's around
I feel so bad for your daughter. If you haven't talked about sex with her, then don't say anything. if she's willing to talk about it, just ask her if she'd like to. Tell her it's normal and every one does it. Apologize to her, tell her that you guys can talk about anything together and you're there for her. These are things she needs to hear at her age anyway. If she doesn't want to talk about it then DROP THE AWKWARDNESS. If it's awkward in that house she will feel so much worse. Go on about daily life like nothing happened and she'll come around. ugh...i feel so bad for her, and you! (ecspecially the dad...oh gosh.)
Alright I have to add my two cents here because this has unfortunately happened to me, actually more than once because my mom does not knock and when I was younger she like would not let me shut my door anyway and that bitch always lurks me even to this day -- look, my mom never addressed it and at the time, I didn't wanna talk about it anyway so that was fine but now looking back I think that talking to her is the better idea, do the note idea the other person had if you can't/don't wanna do it face to face. But the sooner this girl gets some relief from the stress and worrying about it, the better you're all gonna feel.
Its soo normal! Just tell her that its normal and lie to her saying that u did it too
yes extremely normal dont worry btw the walking in part just fn hilarious
I like how we're only told she was 'going at it'
That could mean anything..
Maybe she just had a very bad itch, that she was scratching thoroughly?
Or she was exercising vigorously and quite embarassed about it?
But then again, maybe she was attacking the cat with a cheesegrater.
Assuming that we're talking about good old-fashioned self-exploration, then i believe your answer lies in lying.
As soon as your daughter hits a certain point in her life she's gonna be able to joke about this, and we've all already agreed that its perfectly normal, so our main problem is the inevitable embarassment. So in resolution to it, you may need to talk to her, especially if it was obvious what she was doing. Your main priority is letting your daughter feel comfortable in her own home again. So dont be afraid to bend the truth and tell her that your mother found you doing the same when you were young, or something along that line. The funnier the better. It might sound dubious, and it is, but if it helps her feel comfortable with her parents until she's old enough to truly know how normal it is, its worth it.
You can tell her then, and she'll be fine with it.
Either way, good luck with her.
Seriously, the only problem with this situation is that she decided to go at it at the couch rather than in the privacy of her own room. She should have understood the risk that her parents might come home early. WTH? It's her own damn fault for going at it at the wrong location!
Here's an idea, I didn't read all the comments so someone else may have suggested already....write a little card, and just let her know it's "normal" and healthy...and not to be ashamed or embarrassed...tell her if she doesn't want to talk about it, that's ok...but let her know she didn't do anything wrong. Good luck!
It is hard for her to talk about this embarassing subject but you must reassure her that it is normal, almost everyone does it, You still love her and you do not see anything wrong, except maybe she should be doing it in her room alone.
Ok now all these comments are making me feel like a weirdo
i watched my dad's porn with my 1 year older female cousin at the age of 7-8? i don't know wtf i was doing, it just felt good. My parents walked in on me and freaked out. I cried, my cousin cried. After a 1 hr lecture, everything was normal.
That's going to take either a lot of talking or a lot of not talking to fix. I would ask her how she wants to handle it and let her know you don't hate her/dislike her for it. I spent most of my youth in fear of being labeled dirty for it. Even though my mother said it was normal she still acted like it was disgusting. I nearly grew up with a complex over it. I mean I was really, really, really embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Your daughter, depending on her personality, could be seriously beating herself up over this.
Or she could just be humiliated.
Either way ask her if she wants to talk about it. If not accept it for what it was and just consider it another step in your daughter becoming an adult.
Tell her she should've locked herself in her room and did the deed rather than in the lounge room!
I suggest you write a short note telling her that you are sorry you both walked in on her, it is perfectly normal, everybody does it, you will try to forget it ever happened and never bring it up again unless she does because she would like to talk about it. You may even like to put a little gift with the note. Let her read it in private. I don't know what her sense of humor is like - if it were my son I would do the note nicely in a word doc and add this joke - Qu - What is the most sensitive part of a person's body when they masturbate? answer - their ears!
Holy crap this is difficult
right, speaking from a girl of a similar age's point of view she will never want to speak of this episode ever again, unless she is a particularly earthy person (from what you have said, she doesn't sound too sexually outward.)
Its totally normal for teenagers to do this, so don't make a huge deal about it - epecially to her.
Just pretend everything is normal - lets face it, at least she is um...satisfying herself with this that finding some silly, brain-in-penis, teenage guy.
Hope this helps and good luck x
if you start acting weird around her your gonna make things worse. What she did is totally normal she's a teenager! She can't help it. Talk to her as you would before the incident. The worst thing you can do is be In different towards her. Teenagers have committed suicide over less
You obviously know its normal. What you don't know is how to talk to her about it, I think, and as her mother (not "us").
Just clear the air & reassure her that everything is OK between you. If you are too embarrassed to be the parent, how is she supposed to feel?
It's embarassing. She probably feels ashamed that you saw her like that; most girls dont like their parents to even know they have sexual thoughts, from what I've seen. I'm a female and I'm 19 and so I think thats normal.
This is a very common occurrence, often and at a very young age (though it varies) young ladies will discover these pleasures through merely curious exploration of their bodies.. it is important to talk with her about it, it may be hard but you need to have a sit down with her.
A girl that age "going at it", as you put it, is normal and healthy. However, refusal to talk for three days is a bit out of the ordinary. Perhaps there is some familial tension not related to the incident that is still clinging to her, whether it is about another unrelated incident or about some deep-seated emotion built up over many years.
i started when i was 12.. im 19 now :P its totally normal.. and even younger children do it, even if they don't know they are. little boys playing with themselves, stuff like that. my aunt once knew of a little girl rubbing up against the edge of a coffe table. but yeah, nothing wrong in trying to pleasure yourself.
Masturbation is obviously a substitute for sex.
If she feels too embarrassed about this, she might be inclined to go for the real thing.
yeah its normal but do not have the talk yet u will make her feel awkward in stead make it seem as though it never happend.