What do i do if i can't stop thinking of somebody, even if it hurts?

10 Comments

My bestfriend of over 5 years ended our friendship via text. I thought that it would last forever, but it was a bitter end.

I wrongly accused her of something, and she told me that that was the last straw. She said that she didn't want to say what was wrong, so I told her to tell me and that I wouldn't be mad.

I wasn't. I was just scared. She listed everything I've done wrong over the past few months in great detail. I apologized for everything and told her that I'd change. I didn't know that they were problems beforehand.

I apologized excessively and even said that I was glad that she put up with me. I hoped that if I didn't retaliate, that she wouldn't be mad at me. She was.

She told me that she still loved me and blocked me on every social media possible. I cried in the shower that night and couldn't sleep.

Since then, I've been trying my hardest to keep myself occupied because whenever I'm alone with my thoughts, all I think of is her. And not positively.

I thought of argumentative things I could have said to her, I thought of asking friends we had in common to relay depressing messages, I thought of calling her from another phone just to hear her voice one more time. And I thought of suicide. And I still do. I don't think I want to die, but the thought of it keeps appearing in my mind.

It hurts me when I think of her, and I keep doing it. I need help. What do I do?

Feeling Suicidal?
We couldn't help but notice that you might be asking about things related to suicide...
If that's not the case, please ignore this message.
But, if that is the case, please, please, please call this hotline and talk to someone about it. Or, visit one of these websites and get some help.
Unfortunately IIN isn't the best place for you to be asking about this. Check out the above websites or call one of the hotlines instead. They can help. Really. We know what we're talking about. Call. Do it. Please.
Remember that everything gets better with time.
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 10 )
  • Ellenna
    4 years ago

    This will pass, I promise, but at the moment you're dealing with grief for the end of the friendship. Repetitive thoughts can be changed by having a list handy of positive things in your life and when the negative thoughts come into your mind, just replace them with positive ones, out loud if necessary.

    Also, try and occupy your mind with something else: reading, the internet, TV, anything to distract you and give yourself a rest from all the negativity in your head.

    I repeat, this will pass.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • RoseIsabella
    4 years ago

    It's not worth killing yourself over the loss of some so called friend.

    What did she say you did anyway?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • ellnell
    4 years ago

    I had a best friend also that things were very complicated with. I was very sad when the friendship ended but got over it eventually, it was pretty toxic anyway even if we cared about each other. What you're describing sounds very similar to our friendship in the end and the reason for why it ended.
    But as it always is when you miss someone you can only let time pass and eventually it feels better. You're not always supposed to have someone in your life even if you miss them. Missing someone comes automatically with attachment, you can't avoid it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Kool_owl
    3 years ago

    The pain will never go away but you will somehow move on with out her in your life .
    Learn from you're past so you're future won't repeat .

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • DIO
    4 years ago

    Sounds more like love than friendship.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • litelander8
      4 years ago

      Most of the time solid friendships are loving.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • DIO
        4 years ago

        There's a difference between love and friendship. This is why they aren't the same word.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • litelander8
          4 years ago

          Wow. You’re so clever.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          1
          1
            -
          • FromTheSouthWeirdMan
            4 years ago

            Straight up philosophy right there bruh

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
  • Mammal-lover
    4 years ago

    Hey just be happy you know why. I've been abandoned by so many it's not even funny. For example Brianna. We were best friends (I thought) we hung out all the time we were inseparable. Even got along with most of her friends. We got done hanging out I got home went to bed the next day at school she wouldnt acknowledge my existence. So I tried talking to her friends they looked uncomfortable but wouldnt talk to me. I dont know why. Never did find out.

    She never acknowledged my existence again. I saw her once, at least I'm certain it's her. She was working at a gas station I went to the bathroom as she was busy with someone by the the time I was back 2 minutes later she disappeared. (No she didnt know about my sexuality. Everything else though yes for a long time)

    Not knowing hurts far worse than knowing. My best friend who knows everything but my sexuality I've known her since I was 15 I'm 22 now. For a variety of reason I was a little fucking shit. I have no idea why she stayed friends with me. She got pissed at me about something and disappeared for a year or so we got back together then I when I moved in with my now ex he got me really drunk that first day and she was there anyways I was in shorts and alchol makes me hella aroused. So I never hugged her when she left wich treated this awkward quiet bubble (my fault) for like a year but we are back together and our friendship has never been better!

    Times move forward man. You'll be alright

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1