What do you think of this short-story that i have written?
What do you think of my writing? All the constructive-criticism/reviews are welcome.
I awoke standing up in a very strange room. The first thing I noticed was that the room was completely barren except for a few tubes, one of which I had just walked out of. It hit me like a ton of bricks, I have no idea how I got here. I rushed to the window to see if I recognized anything but what I saw terrified me. There were huge shiny beings flying around all over the sky. While I was standing by the window petrified I was unable to hear something walk up behind me until it puts its hand on my shoulder. I spun around so fast that I nearly fell on my face when I saw what had touched me. It was a mutant that had one eye and a large claw for one of its hands.
In a feminine voice this thing said, “Welcome, put out your hand.” Too scared to think straight, I put my hand out and she (I think it was a she) tried to pinch me with her large pointed claw. At this point I regained control of my body and I shoved her out of my way and ran, but she stayed close in pursuit. In my panic I ran into a pole and I fell back as my eyes went fuzzy. As my eyes were going back to normal, I looked up and saw that I had not run into a pole, but had actually run into a metallic humanoid. Outraged, the metallic humanoid started to advance on me while I was sliding backwards from it in terror, trying to get my clumsy feet to get up and run once more. Just as I managed to slide onto my hands and knees I saw the mutant come around the corner of a building and call out that I should be apprehended. Then I ran and ran until I was so tired that slumped into the door of a random building and passed out.
The next thing I remember was being shaken awake by and old man with very thick glasses. “Are you alright?” he asked, “you look like crap.” I told this strange man all about what happened to me and how I was so confused. He offered me a job as a delivery boy for his company which I accepted in hopes that I can live a normal life in a world of monsters. On my way to the company doctor the old man told me that after my physical I will meet the rest of the crew. What the old man did not say, however, is that the doctor was a large lobster like creature with tentacles on its face. Upon seeing this I collapsed once more for my heart couldn’t take it any longer.
All this happened months ago and now the mutant, robot, and lobster are my co-workers in my nephew’s business Planet Express, as it turns out the old man is my nephew somehow seems legit. Whenever the Professor has “Good news” the one eyed mutant, the robot and I have to deliver packages on extremely dangerous missions. My name is Nathan S. Anderson and I was cryogenically frozen in the year 2000 and was unfrozen one thousand years later.
Brilliant | 1 | |
Not bad | 6 | |
Average | 10 | |
I nearly died of heart-attack | 1 |