What to say to step daughter in the hospital after delivery?

74% Normal
73 Comments

I'm an older guy who married a younger girl, second marriage for both of us. She has a 16-year old daughter and 12-year old son. We've been married and all living together for about 6 years. Two weeks after her 16th birthday she became pregnant (junior in high school). This is the ONE thing I told my wife years ago I would not be able to deal with, and here we are. I have a lot of resentment about it because this is a major life change and I am not the best with kids/grandkids (I have 3/6 of my own). My wife was very upset at first also but has grown accustomed to the idea, and is secretly excited about her first grandchild, but she has to suppress a lot of it because of me. I was looking forward to retiring and spending quality time alone with the wife but this has moved the end of tunnel out about six years. I am resentful, unhappy and depressed about it. And in a few weeks, I will have to come to the hospital room and say something nice to the stepdaughter and I KNOW how I feel will show in my face or my tone. Am I wrong to be this pissed off about all this? I can't seem to come to grips with it.

Voting Results
74% Normal
Based on 47 votes (35 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 73 )
  • gloryholeflasher
    8 years ago | pl

    Somehow you need to just "suck it up" and deal with it, for everybody's sake. There really isn't anything you can do about it so you may as well put on a happy face and make the best of it. Your only other option is to walk away from it in which case you may lose everything, or stick around with a bad attitude and rain on everybody else's parade!

    I know how you feel. I felt similarly when our single daughter had a baby and then she wrote out her will stipulating that if anything happened to her we would get the baby/child, whatever it would be at the time and raise it (her). I thought "there goes my retirement". I already raised my kid and helped my wife raise hers and I don't want any more kids. If I did I would have more of my own.

    This baby is all grown up now and has a baby of her own and this has been one of the most delightful experiences of my life. Over the years my priorities have changed and the things I value in life have changed. I wouldn't trade that granddaughter for anything. I've learned that building relationships is much more important than anything else I can do or have.

    Give it a chance. I wish all of you the very best!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    6
    6
      -
    • snarkygirl
      8 years ago

      I agree with this

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
  • pizzabrowniesushi
    7 years ago

    I was not happy when I found out my dad knocked up his super young gf (now wife) but I gotta say after getting to know my stepmom a little more and seeing my little sister enter this world. my attitude did a 180.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • jr__
    8 years ago

    Just congratulate her and welcome the baby, a few pics on your phone and leave when you can. She will remember that

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • snarkygirl
    8 years ago

    Wow this post has taken on a really fucked up turn. OP just be glad you're not some of these people.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • tranyaboy
    8 years ago

    @gloryholeflasher: You said almost word-for-word what I have been thinking. I have no choice but to suck up and be nice. In spite of it all I can't bring myself to ruin my wife's fun with her first grandchild. I hate being grownup. (I'm 64)

    @treklover11376: He is 19, graduated, working, and they want to stay together. He has said he will support it in every way, so we'll see. We won't let her move out or get married till she's 18; VERY immature (even before all this).

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Treklover11376
    8 years ago

    Where is her father? Her biological dad?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Kandy_
    8 years ago

    Even if you had married someone else and they had children you could have run into the same problem. The mother is not responsible for the choices her children makes after 18. Even if your stepdaughter had her baby when she was 18, thats the daughters choice, and her mother would still be affected because it is her grandchild. Maybe when you go to hospital you can ask your step daughter if she is doing ok, instead of asking about the child. If anyone ask you can be honest about your opinion and say you are not fond of babies. Just be polite and say you are pass those days and did your time with your kids. I know a few people like you and its never a big deal when they express their opinion, I think it brings more of a laugh then we are over it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • SuMaFTW
    8 years ago

    When you see her, tell her the baby is very cute, that you're glad she and the baby are fine, and then ask her how she's feeling. That's it. Then you can excuse yourself and say you need to get some coffee.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • snarkygirl
      8 years ago

      This is the best answer; life is never exactly how you plan so try to make the best of it.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
    • tranyaboy
      8 years ago

      @SuMaFTW: Then walk out and shoot myself. Just kidding. Thanks for the concrete, practical reply. I was thinking along those lines and needed a few things to say.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • dallas22
    8 years ago

    16 is nothing.
    Kids talk about sex , cocks , nuts , cunts , tits , ass fucking , periods in 5 th grade at 10 years old.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago

    That's one reason why I wouldn't even date a woman with kids after my second divorce. Why get involved; sooner or later her children will fuck it all up.
    I feel for you, I really do. I have no idea what to tell you, only that I'd be gone. Another child and the 18 year commitment that that requires, is just a lot to take on.
    Of course it's way too late now, but I would have put my foot down 9 months back and insisted the child have an abortion. Children having children is just not right. The mother's life is ruined, unless you and your partner get stuck raising the child and that will ruin your plans for your retirement. It's a loss/loss for everybody.
    Stupid girl shoulda kept her damn knees together.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -6
    -6
      -
    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      Are you seriously suggesting OP should've forced his stepdaughter to have an abortion? And that he should now leave his marriage because he hasn't been able to control her fertility?

      He doesn't have to be involved with this child if he doesn't want to: he sounds far too immature and selfish to be a good grandparent anyway

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      3
      3
        -
      • thegypsysailor
        8 years ago

        Yes, that's exactly what I would have done, had I been in that situation. Had there been no abortion, I would have left.
        This child is probably going to ruin a few lives and there is no excuse for any of it. At 15 I do not believe a child has any right to determine her future in these sorts of matters (keep the child). Especially if she is so immature and irresponsible as to get pregnant in the first place.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        -4
        -4
          -
        • Ellenna
          8 years ago

          How would you force a young girl to have an abortion? At the point of a gun or what?

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          2
          2
            -
          • thegypsysailor
            8 years ago

            Take her to a doctor and have her sedated if necessary.
            A 15 year old CHILD has no rights in something like this. This one obviously didn't have the intelligence to consider the repercussions of her actions, or even the sense to use birth control. In my book that makes her too young to have any say in what should happen to the pregnancy. Even after birth I would insist on adoption, even if she was my child. I would not allow her to ruin her life as an unwed mother of 16, nor would I raise the child for her. That leaves only adoption.
            The ONLY intelligent, viable solution, after abortion is no longer an option.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            -5
            -5
              -
            • charli.m
              8 years ago

              And you have the nerve to criticise me for human rights violations that I don't even agree with, putely because they are policies of my country...

              Yes, pregnancy at 16 is far from ideal. But your attitude and human rights violations are far worse to inflict on any child in such a situation.

              Remind me...how old was your daughter when you emancipated her?

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              4
              4
            • Ellenna
              8 years ago

              PS: How's your self control and maturity and intelligence functioning as a 69 year old who can't even give up tobacco completely?

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              4
              4
            • flyingnostalgia
              8 years ago

              Wow, what a hateful father you are. No wonder your children had drug problems and shit.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              2
              2
            • wigz
              8 years ago

              You obviously don't know it's illegal to perform an abortion on someone unwilling. Age doesn't matter. One of the first things they ask when you begin your appointment is if you are there on your own free will. If they suspect abuse, coercion or if you are drunk or high you will NOT get an abortion.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              2
              2
            • Ellenna
              8 years ago

              Oh how very fascistic of you: sieg heil

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              2
              2