When should i "come out" about being ocd?

15 Comments

I'm male, in my late 20s, and I was diagnosed with OCD near the beginning of this year. It clarified a lot of things, especially past behaviors that I thought were fully within my control (I know I'm still accountable. I'm not trying to absolve myself of responsibility)

There's a girl I like and we've been on 4 or 5 dates so far. I'm really anxious about bringing up the fact that I have OCD to her because when I'm having a bad episode, it's like I become a different person. My therapist says there are changes in my tone, my cadence, and my thinking gets set in a very unforgiving, black-and-white interpretation of the world. I act as if whatever situation I'm in is an immediate physical threat. I was abused by an older sibling when I was growing up and internalized a lot of it

So what I'm trying to figure out is when would be a good time/way to bring this up to her? The idea of me having a bad episode and she's completely unprepared for it doesn't sound ideal. Trying to describe what happens and what the triggers are prior an episode just feels weird, like I'm trying to paint myself up to be some special-needs pet who needs extra love. Then there's also the timing of everything. Just curious what you guys think

For context, we're both very similar in personality and we're passionate about some of our shared interests. She's incredibly sweet and open-minded and is actually going to school to become a psychologist

Wait until you're officially dating	2
Tell her now--the sooner you get it out of the way, the better	6
Don't mention it to her at all	0
Wait until she sees an episode and then explain what why it happened	3
Other	1
Wait until you're officially dating and then wait until it naturally comes up	1

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Comments ( 15 )

MonteMetcalfe

1 year ago

I really don't know what to tell you. I always thought of OCD as repetitive behaviors like having to wash your hands a certain number of times or having to check a door a certain number of times to be sure it's locked. So I'm not really sure how it effects you personally.

I guess try to fit it into a conversation somehow. It's difficult to say specifically. I guess if a topic of conversation comes up similar to something that triggers you, you could bring it up so you get to know her thoughts on the matter before it becomes an issue.
Sorry I can't be of more help. Good luck

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  1 year ago
  
  It's kind of ironic because the most common representation of OCD, obsessive handwashing, is actually one of the least common forms.
  
  The way I'd describe OCD is like this: think of those really weird, often disturbing thoughts that randomly pop into your head, like maybe the thought to push a little kid into traffic crossed your mind for a split second. For people without OCD, that's all it was, a passing thought. For people with OCD, you obsess over the thought and wonder what it may or may not mean about you as a person, and the fact that you can't get a concrete, objective answer as to whether you're some kind of psychopath haunts you. That's usually when you turn to some kind of compulsion to attempt to alleviate the distress
  
  Most of my physical compulsions come in the form of excoricating (tearing out hair, fingernails, etc.) not because I want to hurt myself, but because the physical pain is easier to handle than the obsessive thoughts, so it serves as a distraction
  
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kikilizzo

1 year ago

As soon as possible. I prefer if someone tells me stuff like this first or second date, then again i'm used to stuff like this and I don't really care as long as someone actually takes responsibility for their wellbeing and knows how to cope.

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hauntedbysandwiches

1 year ago

I have OCD. I usually tell people after we're officially dating and I've known them at least a few months.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  1 year ago
  
  That's normally what I would do. This situation is kind of unique in that I actually knew this girl several years ago and only recently reconnected with her. I guess that doesn't really serve as a substitute for being official though. Thanks for the input, it's especially nice hearing from someone who's in the know about OCD and what it's like
  
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  - hauntedbysandwiches
    
    1 year ago
    
    You can do whatever you feel most comfortable with. I just feel like telling them too soon may be kind of unnecessary but I don't know how it impacts you in relationships. For me it doesn't actually do anything significant to my relationship but if you think it's a lot for her to deal with you could always tell her in another date or two since you knew her previously.
    
    Yeah with my ocd it makes me stressed out easier and my cup overflows easier than people without ocd so I get it.
    
    Either way if you're meant for each other she will understand regardless. Good luck🙂
    
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have_a_good_day

1 year ago

nigga, stop being gay. you a grown ass mothafucka

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- ospry
  
  1 year ago
  
  nibba, I'll be as gay as I want. I'm a grown ass-motherfucker
  
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  - have_a_good_day
    
    1 year ago
    
    mothafucka. if you was in da hood right now da niggas would bust a nut in yo ass. Slow yo role
    
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Tinybird

1 year ago

When I made a post this long people complained that it was too long..

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Tommythecaty

1 year ago

It’s just ocd. It is not something you have to come out and announce, it’s barely even worth mentioning in the first place.

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- ospry
  
  1 year ago
  
  Hmm. Interesting that people with OCD are 10 times as likely to take their own life than others, considering it's barely even worth mentioning in the first place
  
  https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/07/160719094234.htm
  
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  - Tommythecaty
    
    1 year ago
    
    That’s not because of the ocd, that’s just compulsion.
    
    It is because people with ocd are likely to have comorbidities, like borderline personality or autism. And it is those types of disorders that cause the suicide. It is actually incredibly rare for a person to evince signs of just one disorder.
    
    Take me for example, throughout my life I supposedly exhibit both bpd and aspd characteristics.
    
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    - ospry
      
      1 year ago
      
      I see what you're saying. When you said "it's barely even worth mentioning", I was under the impression you saw it as how OCD is stereotypically portrayed, which is basically being overly nitpicky about things
      
      You're totally right that people with OCD are more likely to have comorbidities which complicate things, but it strikes me as naive for you to say that it's *only* the comorbidities that can cause problems. Some obsessions can be distressing enough that suicide genuinely seems like an option to consider
      
      The only reason I wasn't hospitalized due to obsessions that self-harm NEEDED to be acted upon is because my therapist argued a really strong case for me not to undergo hospital treatment and instead recover from home. That was 100% because of the obsessions, the distress they brought, and no other comorbidities. My therapist made that very clear when making their case
      
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      - Tommythecaty
        
        1 year ago
        
        If you’re therapist thinks that was best then I’m sure they had a good indication it was the right call. If you’re having serious issues with wanting to self harm it’s more than likely due to something coexisting with that ocd. Something more serious in your character there, hopefully they look at that.
        
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When should i "come out" about being ocd?