Why cant i love him

I have met a man who is everything i've needed for ages.
He has no problem with me being demisexual, he is on the autism spectrum like me, he wants to spend a lot of time with me but doesnt mind when I need space, he is passionate about something, he takes commitment very seriously and he is so kind and he gives me cute random little gifts and remembers everything I tell him.
Sure there are downsides to him as well but i'm trying not to focus on those because I have a tendency to see the worst in people.
I am wondering if it's because of my depression I cant feel anything for him. Now we have dated over 2 months and nothing has changed for me. I feel very ungreatful and i'm afraid if I let him go i'll never find someone who fits me so well. I can tell him anything and I rarely, if ever, feel that way about someone. It's kind of scary though because i'm a private person and I feel uncomfortable about someone knowing me too well and that he will figure out better ways to hurt me the more he knows. I dont like that he offers to give me emotional support sometimes either because you shouldnt depend on anyone in life. My ex was supportive from the beginning and a gentleman until he started showing his true colors and got increasingly abusive. That went on and off for YEARS because he refused to let me go, until when he found a new one and ghosted me after having been a constant part of my life and never let me move on if I tried. I loved him, it was all very complicated. I was brainwashed and I still have the urge to excuse his behaviour and I still feel that he's the only one who's treated me the way I deserve. When I meet a man now who treats me like a gentleman the only thing that happens is I get flashbacks to my ex and I get a lot of mixed emotions and very bad anxiety and then I feel angry for some reason and I withdraw and want to be alone because I feel very upset.
I dont know why this always happens nowadays and I can not fall in love anymore unless it's a celebrity or something because something is wwrong with me. I feel disconnected from everyone and sometimes I dont feel like anything is real

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67% Normal
Based on 3 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • ospry

    I don't think the correct question is "why can't I love him?". It sounds like you do, or at very least he makes you feel safe and comfortable when you're with him

    Given your traumatic dating history, it makes perfect sense that you would have your doubts about this relationship. Even if you hadn't been abused by your ex, it would still be totally understandable to have doubts. Everyone has doubts, and if you're wondering if you love him or don't love him, however you're feeling in that immediate moment isn't necessarily an indication of how you feel about him overall

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    • Thanks for reply.
      I really feel I have emotions for him but when I am with him I feel many conflicting things and have a hard time relaxing. Few times I relax sometimes I feel happy with him,I wish it can happen more.

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  • Curiouskitten444

    Maybe you have some inner work to do.

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