Why everyday do i think about death?
So where do I begin?
So I am 20 years old, go to University and I have days where I am in such a good mood and feel so motivated yet others spontaneously I feel so sad, feel like crying at any moment.
One thing that has been on my mind since literally about the age of 5 is the idea of death.
It scares me so much that I think about it practically every night, and in recent years it disturbs my day to day where if I'm suddenly happy I'll then feel sad with the thought 'well what's the point of being happy if we're all going to die' I can't escape this thought.
This problem has become so bad that I feel sad when I'm around family as it saddens me to think they won't always be here, if I hear a sad song I usually have to leave the room so no-one sees me cry.
I also find talking about it (as i have done with very few people) never helps as I always have the comeback that no one can change my mind and this issue.
I'm obviously aware no one can miraculously allow us to live forever which is what frightens me thinking we will never know just went it will happen.
Furthermore I don't have a big family and all my grandparents had died by the age of 13 and whenever someone mentions grandparents i feel sad and change the subject so I don't have to think of the thought of dying.
I'm the sort of person that gets embarrassed seriously over crying so I have to leave the room when my family want to watch a sad film just to cry. My friends usually say i'm smiley and always happy but the truth is inside I'm not and its just getting so much worse.
Again I don't know the outcome from this but just still like to hear peoples thought...
Thanks for taking the time to read this. <3