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In this scenerio you have kids with your spouse and you both live together. If your spouse cheated on you in a one night stand while they were out with friends would you instantly divorce them or give them a second chance?
No second chance. Trust is just like glass, once broken, it may be possible to glue it back together but it will never be the same again.
No, it isn't obvious and it is so far from the truth. People are capable of hurting those they love the most. It is why it hurts. If there was no love it would be a non issue. TO say the love is gone because sex happened somewhere else, you really don't know what love looks like outside of sex. It is so much deeper than a little bit of sex.
It is only destroyed if you want it to be. It takes three to cheat. You may feel betrayed by why they did and that's understandable. That intimacy shouldn't be shared with just anyone. When people seek that kind of connection outside the relationship, that's a good indicator that communication is bad. Why wasn't there communication? Is sex the only way you communicate love? If your pattner didn't feel comfortable talking to you about a lack of intimacy there is a whole lot more going on than just a little sexual pleasure. Relationships are so much more than sex and it takes a mature and healthy person to recognize that. If all you have in a relationship is sex then it is going to fail. And if you walk away from love because you cant see past the whole sex issue, then your love wasn't as true as you thought.
It's on both of you. As I said, it takes 3 to cheat. But imagine the strength of the couple that moves past something like this. They are so past the drama.
Reconciliation is better than rupture, but things like this are so messy that it's hard to say without having been there.
People are so black and white about cheating. It is a complicated issue. If you are walking away from an otherwise good relationship simply because of one thing, that's on you. It's not like they murdered someone. Or embezzled from their work, or hit a cyclist and ran away to leave them lying in agony, or killed your puppy and didn't care, or fell asleep drunk with a cigarette and burned the house down.
All I'm saying is that there are far worse things a partner can do than have sex with someone who isn't you.
I'd shoot her & tell the kids "Mom ran off with the Amazon delivery guy".
Once they cheat, all I'm going to think about every day is that betrayal. I'm going to constantly wonder what else they lied about. They're also going to instantly be unattractive to me. There's no point in living with someone like that.
Children aren't stupid. Parents can lie to them and put on a facade that they still love each other but the kid will still sense something is up, so no I wouldn't stay together for the kids.
If you look at statistics growing up without your biological parents together in your household makes you much more likely to have a lot of issues. Isnt it kind of selfish at that point doing something that will harm your kids and not give them the best life possible?
Your reaction is exactly why I said the things I did. Resent me all you want. You act like these things are fully conscious decisions when they rarely are.
What if you had only one small cancerous brain tumor? Would you just leave it so you wouldn't have to cut out good tissue with the bad? No. Because left unchecked, it will just kill you anyway. Might as well cut it out and work to heal and get better.
Thank you. I know how easy it is to misread a comment. No harm, no foul.
I'm not judging your personal relationship. I just dont agree with villainizing someone when you don't know both sides of the story. A lot of cheaters are awful people, but there is a reason why they got to that place. Maybe they are mentally ill. Maybe they suffered from abuse in the past and self sabatoge. Maybe they don't know how to love because the world has shown them nothing but greif. It may not excuse their behavior in your eyes because you have a healthy relationship and can't empathize with the whole situation. And you don't have to. But it's not about excusing their behavior. I will always give people the benefit of doubt and let them tell their story. Chances are, no one else will.
This is the most reasonable answer. You will make a good father if you arent already. You put the kids over yourself. Most dont even consider the kids.
I would not divorce my wife Id try to make it work so the kids can have both of their parents together which is really important. I feel the kids are more important than me and my life. If it kept happening maybe I would split up with my wife but make it work where we still live in the same household as a family so the kids have both their parents there. But I cant see a realistic scenerio where it would come to that.