Does heteronormativity bother you?

49 Comments

This question is directed to LGBTQ people. If you're straight, you're not affected negatively by this issue but your opinion is still welcome. I'm a gay man myself.

Now if you don't know, heteronormativity is the constant societal expectation and assumption that everyone around you is heterosexual, that heterosexuality should always be dominant in most representations of love, sex or marriage, as well as the expectations of gender roles.

Heteronormativity is baked into most societies around the world. In my experience, the more i became aware of it, the more i got bothered and felt like an outcast because of it. I wouldn't really say this is a large political issue that needs to be solved as a priority for the LGBTQ, but i can't help getting bothered by it. Though i believe that gay marriage should be a default basic human right.

I'd like to see more representation of LGBTQ people on media and entertainment; without it being used as tokenism or pandering. I'd say ideally, it would be perfect if they just subtly show an LGBTQ person without shinning the light on that aspect of them, just add it casually. It kinda upsets me to see that LGBTQ romance or movies in general are always grouped into their own genre. I wish we could just exist in heteronormativity and not just be separated into our own community and sub genre. As for children's entertainment, i believe we must be represented in there too just to spread tolerance and acceptance and minimize homophobia. I don't believe they should explicitly show or talk about sexuality in a borderline inappropriate way to children like queer kid's stuff is doing, but instead do it like what the cartoon Arthur did, just a gay couple walking down the isle in a marriage to make children aware that people of different sexualities exist.

As for gender roles, i think it's healthy for a child to grow up with gender roles, but forcing it upon them is when it gets toxic. Making your little boy play with dolls won't make them gay. All my childhood i played with hot wheels and fire trucks, but i still turned out gay and not into cars.

But what about you? How does heteronormativity affect you?

P.S: sorry if this was too ranty.

P.P.S: children seeing gays on TV won't turn them gay, i grew up watching exclusively heterosexual couples until i was 12 and look at me now.

No (i'm not straight)	6
Other.	0
No (i'm straight)	10
Yes (i'm straight)	1
Yes (i'm not straight)	1

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Comments ( 49 )

mauzi

4 years ago

Nop, straight couples are cute and I wish I was more straight. most lgbt stuff in media seems forced. straight is more "normal" / common anyway so let it be

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- RavenCage
  
  4 years ago
  
  Yes, i know it mostly seems forced which is why i mentioned it comes off as "pandering". Also, i'm not trying to replace heteronormativity with homosexuality as common place. But we still lack proper representation.
  
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  - mauzi
    
    4 years ago
    
    Sorry I didn't read much of it til later, but yeah I agreed with you on that part. Do you know of any shows that you would say did it in a good way?
    
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    - RavenCage
      
      4 years ago
      
      there are very few that i personally know of. But i'd suggest Downton abbey and that one episode of Arthur. Honestly, these are the only ones i could think of that had gay representation without the show itself being about the LGBTQ.
      
      Though i gotta admit, there was a good gay romance i watched a while ago, it's called the way he looks. That one was perfect, it was purely platonic.
      
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PassengerPigeon

4 years ago

It bothers me a little bit, yeah. Mainly because it creates the assumption that everyone is straight. Obviously straight people exist and that's a good thing. Heterosexuality is, in a literal sense, the reason we're alive. However, basically everyone, even if they wish they didn't (myself included), will assume that you are straight the first time they meet you. It sucks because it's much harder to find a partner and once you're out, you often get phrases like "What's that like" or "haha just don't touch me/get a crush on me". I've also felt like people walk on eggshells around me just because they assume I'll take offense to certain jokes and stuff. There's kind of a disconnect because of the way heteronormativity is presented, making heterosexuality normal, which is true, but implying that homosexuality isn't, which is completely false.

The world is a lot gayer than you think, folks. It's a shame that we're not taught that from an early age.

Also. If learning that homosexuality is a thing "turns your child gay", I've got news for you: Your child was gay all along and didn't understand what their feelings were because our societies have been heteronormative for centuries and learning that being gay is normal helps them accept themselves and their emotions.

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momwatcher69

4 years ago

I have simple, and brief opinions:

1). Homosexuality is fine by me, as long as it's not "shoved" in my face. LGTBQ Parades kinda irritate me.... because.... Heterosexuals don't have "We fuck the opposite sex" parades. Why do LGTBQ's have parades, for YOUR sexual preferences? Keep it private / We don't CARE. Have some tact, please !
At the Mall, I don't want to see 2 guys, or 2 women (or ANY couple) making out, to the extent they're practically 'fucking' in public.

2). I think gay/lesbian (same sex) marriages, should be allowed, so that significant others can accept wills, inheritances, property, etc, upon the death of their loved one, OR make medical decisions, in the event their partner suffers a debilitating disease/injury.
Gay people don't love their partners ANY LESS, than heterosexual couples.

3). Heterosexual people ARE the overwhelming majority.

4). I DO NOT believe that same sex couples should be allowed to adopt children. Foster kids are already "fucked up" (NOT AN INSULT) and don't need a whole other world of confusion, thrown on them, by trying to figure out why they have 2 dads, or 2 moms.Kids should be raised with a Mom and Dad, so they can learn the differences, characteristics, and traits, of BOTH genders, and the unique roles that gender plays in reproduction, parenting, dating, etc.

I may be "old-school", but I believe girls should play with dolls, and boys should play with trucks.... to be over-simplistic. As an adult, I APPRECIATE the differences, between men and women, sexually AND non-sexually.

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- RavenCage
  
  4 years ago
  
  1) we have parades because our sexuality has been repressed, mocked, violated and abused by your people for centuries, so it's a celebration of finally being free. I personally don't like how they're over sexualized especially when there could be children on the streets seeing that, but i understand where it comes from. I could use the same argument for heterosexuals, why are you on my tv all the time? Why do you assume i'm straight? Why do you feel the need to clarify "no homo" to me? Why are you concerned about what gays do in public but let straight people do what they want? Stop shoving your heterosexuality down my throat.
  
  2) i agree.
  
  3) I know, still not an excuse to marginalize us and treat us like morally deprived animals. We exist and we want you to be aware that we exist as human beings too. Or would you rather have kids be brainwashed that gay people will go to hell? Is exposure to people like me really that traumatizing? Guess who else is a minority in western countries, dark skinned people, should we also be less exposed to them and not learn about their experiences because they're less than the norm?
  
  4) so you would rather they grow up with no parents at all? It's not your place to limit others freedoms when it doesn't affect you or do harm. What about the children raised with a single parent? Should they be confiscated from them so they don't have to figure out why they don't have the other parent like the rest of their friends do? Also, exposure to gays will lessen that confusion.
  
  yes, gender roles are healthy for children, but forcing them to abide by their gender when they show signs of opposing their role is toxic. We don't live in the past anymore, explore and read more on gays, see their points of view, let change and new forms of families appear and see how it goes before you shoot it down when it barely had time to flourish.
  
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  - momwatcher69
    
    4 years ago
    
    1). "we" are on your tv, because we are the overwhelming majority. Broadcasters/tv stations STILL cater to the majority, and "family values".
    Also, I don't "assume" you're straight, because I don't CARE if you are, or aren't. It's none of my business, and I don't want you MAKING it, my business.
    
    2). Glad you agree
    
    3). ...."would you rather have kids be brainwashed that gay people will go to hell?" ....( WHAT? where did THAT come from? )
    
    4). "What about the children raised with a single parent? Should they be confiscated from them so they don't have to figure out why they don't have the other parent like the rest of their friends do? "
    
    Confiscate children of single parents.... Have you lost your mind ? This is how "militant gay people" OVER-REACT.
    
    I wrote a considerate, and tolerant opinion, of MY views. YOU "bashing" my opinion, is why you're the minority..... and what I meant by "shoving it in our face"
    
    "Confiscating" a child, from a single parent, has NOTHING to DO WITH ADOPTION.
    
    STAY ON POINT..... people !!
    
    Why are you pissed that 90% of the population, doesn't understand/tolerate the 10% of your MINORITY? It's getting better, but is NOT going to happen over-night.
    
    You "SAY" you want equality, but ACT like you're SPECIAL, and deserve & demand more acceptance, than most are willing to give. Beating heterosexuals over the head, will only diminish your "cause".
    
    Here's what you said: " Why are you concerned about what gays do in public but let straight people do what they want? Stop shoving your heterosexuality down my throat."
    
    Here's what I originally said: "At the Mall, I don't want to see 2 guys, or 2 women (or ANY couple) making out, to the extent they're practically 'fucking' in public."
    
    READ ...... before you .... BITCH !.... I was on YOUR side. And I treat gay/hetero people the SAME. PERIOD!
    
    Finally... if you want to "blend in" .... stop "standing out" !!!
    
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    - RavenCage
      
      4 years ago
      
      1) guess who else is a minority, black people, do you want them off your tv too?
      
      3) yes because you keep trying to use the excuse of "we're the majority" to hide us away from the public eye, and when these kids don't see gay people as normal people on tv, their parents could easily brainwash them and taint gays as they please to them.
      
      4) no, have YOU lost your mind. It's not your place to dictate how other families should be like unless it's harming the child.
      
      oh boohoo big fucking deal i challenged your views, did i invade your safe space? Should i apologize for hate speech? It's an important conversation to have because you seem to disregard us just because we're a minority, we're human beings too if you forgot that.
      
      Still, everyone should have the right to adopt as long as they're sane and can be good loving parents, not your place to limit that. Does that also mean single parents shouldn't be able to adopt?
      
      Yes and in order to further this progress we need to call out these sorts of things, it doesn't just happen with people being silent about it.
      
      maybe you should take off your asshat and realize we're still not equal to you and you just proved it. Catering to us might seem like we're getting special treatment but it's not like straight people have gone through what gays have sexuality wise.
      
      fine i'll give you that.
      
      "Finally... if you want to "blend in" .... stop "standing out" !!!"
      So you're telling me to just shut up and get over my oppression? That won't solve anything. Gays have shut up about their oppression for centuries and they didn't get accepted, they only did when they actually SPOKE about their issues and protested.
      
      You just come out to me as somebody who's jealous of gays for having a victim card, do you really think we WANT to be victims? It's not fun to be oppressed, get over yourself.
      
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      - Inkmaster
        
        4 years ago
        
        In what way is explaining why someone is the majority saying that you want the minority to go away?
        
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Doesnormalmatter

4 years ago

It shouldn't bother anyone because IT IS NORMAL! Being heterosexual is the norm compared to anything else and that's a fact.

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- RavenCage
  
  4 years ago
  
  (assuming you're straight) imagine if you lived in a world where being homosexual is the norm, you probably can't imagine living in such a world. But if you're able to merely put yourself in that position, imagine how much of an outcast you'd feel like. You can't expect me to just get over it when it plagues my life almost daily. I don't wanna be bothered by it but i can't help it.
  
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  - Inkmaster
    
    4 years ago
    
    If being homosexual was the norm, the population would be significantly reduced.
    
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  - Doesnormalmatter
    
    4 years ago
    
    I'm sure it bothers you. But there is a difference between saying "it bothers me" and "it should not be this way and I'm gonna complain about it!"
    
    Is being kinky relatable to being gay do you think? At least to some degree in terms of being abnormal sexually and having to live with it?
    
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    - RavenCage
      
      4 years ago
      
      Please point out to me where i stated that we should abolish heteronormativity and replace it with homosexuality. Is asking for more proper LGBTQ representation so much to ask for?
      
      Also no, both straight and gay couples can be kinky. The LGBTQ is about sexuality and gender not fetishes and kinks; which is why pedophiles should fuck off from trying to slither into the community.
      
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      - Doesnormalmatter
        
        4 years ago
        
        Yes I do think more LGBT representation is too much to ask for. I know both gay and straight couples can be kinky, but that doesn't change the fact that it's something sexual that you can't change that makes you unique.
        
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        RavenCage
        
        4 years ago
        
        The reason there is still wide spread homophobia is because people don't understand us, ignorance breeds hatred. We aren't some rare disease that only exists in a tiny minority in society, we are people just like you who want to get by without being discriminated against.
        
        Also, being gay provides both a sexual and romantic attraction to members of the same sex. Is it because there's sex in the process that makes it purely sexual? I can use the same argument against heterosexuals. Homosexuals can get romantically attracted to each other, get married and have families whether by adoption or surrogacy.
        
        The myth that homosexuals are purely just kinky freaks with a high sex drive that just want to fuck around and not settle down and the fact that you thought it's true, that every homosexual is like that is pure proof why we need more proper representation, so your future kids don't grow up to think the same and therefore continuing the marginalization of us.
        
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CDmale4fem

4 years ago

My big question - That word heteronamtivity , is that a real word ? Your post was way to long to read it all.

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- RavenCage
  
  4 years ago
  
  it still hasn't been registered in dictionaries as an official word. But its use goes back to the early 90s appearing out of queer theory, popularized by Michael Warner.
  
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- LloydAsher
  
  4 years ago
  
  I hate reading rants too
  
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LloydAsher

4 years ago

Hetoronormitivty is bull shit. It's called normal when 90% of the population is one way it's called normal. I'm not saying being gay is abnormal just in the relative sexual orientation it is. Homosexuality appears at the same level throught animals.

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- RavenCage
  
  4 years ago
  
  heteronormativity is a fact that's baked into most societies. It's not bull shit. Tell me at least one society out there that has being gay as the norm, and parents always expecting their child to be gay and they have to come out as straight.
  
  You made it out as if i wanna cancel out heteronormativity. No, i just want more representation of LGBTQ people, so tolerance and understanding could be furthered.
  
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- Doesnormalmatter
  
  4 years ago
  
  Yes!
  
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DIO

4 years ago

Who really cares anyway?
If people want to be HLGB, just let them be. (T and Q are just LGB).
I think the problem is people making to big of a deal about it. Why do you care what your neighbor, friend, sister, therapist is ? I don't understand why people focus on this when we have much more important matter to resolve immediately in this world.

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- RavenCage
  
  4 years ago
  
  yeah you're right, let's just gloss over hate crimes and homophobia. It doesn't affect you after all so it doesn't matter.
  
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  - momwatcher69
    
    4 years ago
    
    RavenCage,
    
    Hey !!! .... HATE CRIMES are also against Jews, blacks, muslims, asylum seekers, spouses, women, homeless people, hispanics, AND gay/lesbians....and others
    
    And if you think about it, there are also "hate crimes" against animals, pets, the environment, other countries, etc. (Don't get me started on serial-killers & mass-shooters)
    
    Gays/lesbians are not the only victims of stupidity and hatred. They don't "own" hate crimes, so let's get THAT shit straight... right now.
    
    Hate, and hate crimes affect us ALL, because it tarnishes our society, AS A WHOLE, not just a specific "group".
    
    I have never witnessed a hate crime, but I can guarantee you, that if I were to see a hate crime, in progress, I would be the FIRST one, to jump in, and STOP it. My personality, and sense of civility, as a human, doesn't permit that crap!!
    
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  - DIO
    
    4 years ago
    
    That's not what I mean. Homophobia and hate crimes is highly retarded.
    It shouldn't exist in first place. People should be judged for their crimes either it is against homosexuals or straight people.
    There's no such thing as hate crimes. Only stupid people doing stupid things. A crime doesn't have a gender nor a sexual orientation.
    As long as we allowed people to commit crimes against a minority, we are giving them powers. All crimes should be judge as the same and gay people should be treated as heterosexuals. Because weither you are straight gay or a damn crocodile, you're still a living being and that's what matters.
    There should be no gay pride nor hetero pride, only acknowledgment of human existence.
    
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    - momwatcher69
      
      4 years ago
      
      DIO,
      
      I disagree, with your comment: "There's no such thing as hate crimes. Only stupid people doing stupid things".
      
      If somebody harms another complete stranger, BECAUSE of their religion, race, sexual preference, country of origin, etc.... and THAT is the "reason" for the harm, it IS a hate crime.
      
      Sorry.
      
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      - DIO
        
        4 years ago
        
        I KNOW what the definition of a hate crime is, try to understand what I'm saying before typing without thinking.
        
        An action is an action, it doesn't have a gender nor an identity or whatever else you want to give it. Doing something to someone because of their taste is just an excuse to make one think he is entitled to harm other people. You can beat up someone gay because you're claiming that you hate "gays", you're still just a human beating up another human. Saying that he is gay is just an excuse. It only exist in your mind and therefore DOESN'T exist.
        Hate crime is just a naming.
        
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        momwatcher69
        
        4 years ago
        
        You seem to keep missing the point (again) - So sad !!
        
        Nevermind..... Truth isn't rude...YOU are. And, you have your mind made up, that you're 'right', even though the government, and law enforcement, and 98% of the American Public call it "HATE CRIMES"
        
        You are just another asshole, who likes to insult people, and have the last word.
        
        P.S. Repeating YOURSELF, 3-4 times, don't make your point any more legit. Actually, it just re-inforces your tunnel vision, and ignorance.
        
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        momwatcher69
        
        4 years ago
        
        I DID think, before typing....I read your comment TWICE.
        
        And I still disagree, with your statement: "There's no such thing as hate crimes. Only stupid people doing stupid things".
        
        Stupid people commit crimes....PERIOD! That's why jails & prisons are full of stupid people.
        
        Stupid people also commit crimes/assaults against other people, BECAUSE of a particular trait, and THAT is when it becomes a "hate crime".
        
        So, let's agree that we disagree, ok?
        
        Also, I forgot to "thank you" for implying that I type, before I think. A rather rude comment.
        
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Skarmatic

4 years ago

So I'm a lesbian myself, but I sort of get what you're saying. I think that our society is making moves towards LGBTQ becoming more accepted, but the truth is 10% of the population represents LGBTQ so it makes sense to have straight people be the majority of what is presented. I think it's awesome to see kids shows and movies include LGBTQ and media.

Now it is really annoying to see companies only promote LGBTQ in June because it is a sales token for them. That "shining light" means our sexuality is just being used for their company. It's cool to see support, but it's not just a one month thing. They could also show their support at any other time in the year.

I work in a place where I have to have a lot of interaction with people, and I always feel judged in the back of my mind by them that they "dislike me" because I'm gay or someone's going to say something about it. Now there's no way anyone can "know" if I'm gay, but there's definitely a fear I have that I'm somehow going to get hurt because of it. I know someone's going to think "nobody gives a fuck about who you have sex with," but there are still people out there that do and literally hurt people because they're gay.

I think that with change homosexuality will become more accepted and not necessarily normalized because like I said before, it's only 10% of the population. I think media in general is doing an adequate job at representing us. It all just takes time, and I hope when I'm older in 30 years it will be more accepted than it is today! It all will just take some time. Then hopefully we won't feel like outcasts anymore.

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- RavenCage
  
  4 years ago
  
  yes exactly, finally someone who actually read the entire post. I find it very selfish and entitled when straight people gloss over this issue and pretend that we don't face discrimination anymore because of laws, although that's still not the case in most countries around the world and even within the countries that supposedly accept people like us.
  
  The mere laws existing doesn't change how society views homosexuality and their attitude towards us. I'm also aware that we're a somewhat small minority (i believe there are ore of us but they're too afraid to come out) but we're still human beings.
  
  But at least i can be grateful that i wasn't born 50 years ago or something horrible like that. Also i'm aware heterosexuality is the norm and will always be the norm, but that's not an excuse to mistreat us or refuse their children to be taught to merely accept us as equals.
  
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  - Skarmatic
    
    4 years ago
    
    I totally agree. I feel that some straight people have this view of "we gave you the right to marriage" not "you deserve to be able to marry just like anyone else." The laws are great, but like you said they really don't change people's viewpoints if they're homophobic to begin with. We are still human beings.
    
    I'm so glad I wasn't born 50 years ago too! I couldn't imagine having to be gay in a time period where it was so frowned upon. No human being should be mistreated if they're not mistreating others.
    
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Ummitsstillme

4 years ago

Hetero is normative. Humanity wouldn't exist if it weren't so. Homo is less than 10 percent and shouldn't be disrespected. Gay hateful is the problem.

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- RavenCage
  
  4 years ago
  
  oh my god did you even read my post? I didn't demand that homosexuality becomes common place and replace the norm for heterosexuality, i'm just merely asking that we get proper representation and blend in with you guys as equals instead of being ostracized into our own community like a special club. And yes i am bothered that heteronormativity is a thing, i just can't help it, but that doesn't mean i want to abolish it.
  
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Wellyoudliketoknoweh

4 years ago

I don’t really care actually
I dunno where ur from, but I don’t really meet any homophonic people
Haha I didn’t know there was such a thing as heteronormativity
Anyways it’s normal in biology that one sex searches for the opposite sex, therefore it is more common in society and what is more common, tv and such use it because it more people will watch it
U can’t always have someone who’s exactly the same, we should all be able to live with our differences, but people aren’t that far. Rather when there is something new we tend to build groups again and aren’t getting mixed up with others. Which yeah, annoys me a lot too.
There are many people who are being excluded because of who they are, which yeah, is quite sad. And as u said what u do in your childhood, except it’s a trauma or something, doesn’t really affect ur sexuality later on
We recently had the Christopher’s street day and some company for example had a giant poster hanging at one of the main squares showing an lgbtq couple. We’re getting there, just very slowly
I don’t get why gay marriages don’t exist in some countries anyways, I mean damn what do the others care. When two people love each other let them. And with adoption, that makes me really mad, they rather have orphans or bad families for the children than just giving them to two loving parents, like.
Actually they recently started making more lgbtq netflix series didn’t they? There’s also this one for children that shows the struggle of growing up and discovering ur sexuality in some episodes. It’s a cartoon, forever 12 or something? I think they would really like that one

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- RavenCage
  
  4 years ago
  
  I'm aware that society doesn't have to cater to me as a minority. And i know that homosexuality will most probably always be a minority. There still are many homophobic people around the world, even in the west, and they try to shoot down gay marriage or any attempt at representing LGBTQ people in media before it even had a chance to flourish.
  
  And yes, i just remembered that there has been an increase in gay representation casually in entertainment without the show or movies itself be merely about it; but it still gets a negative response whether be it homophobic people complaining about it as forcefully pushing an agenda or LGBTQ people complaining that it's pandering.
  
  It's a sad reality that most countries in the world don't accept LGBTQ people and you always realize it's either a religious reason or pure ignorance. Both are unjustified to disrespect or hate on different people.
  
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Are You Normal?

Does heteronormativity bother you?