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Can any guys out there please explain to me why my BF is so damn cheap? He wont pay to take me out to dinner or a movie. He always buys me great anniversary and birthday presents but i practically have to beg him to buy a pack of cigarettes. (we both smoke) He wont even throw down money to buy a case of beer or something. Its getting ridiculous! Please help!
Ok...to everyone who has told me to buy my own smokes... I buy ALL the cigarettes!!!! I buy my own and he "bums" them from me. I am not complaining about having to buy my own stuff. I am complaining that he is sponging off of everything I DO buy! Im not asking for him to drop cigarettes in my lap! Im saying if he is gonna smoke mine, and he smokes much more than i do, then he can pitch in and buy some too!!!!
Are you his gf or prostitute? If your his gf then it should be 50/50. If your a prostitute, what are you doing reading this, get out and get paid.
A guy should feel happy to give things to a girl he really likes.
Being a girlfriend doesn't mean that you can take her for granted.
If u are willing to spend more on a prostitute than a girlfriend maybe u can try having a kid with a prostrate since you think she is more valuable than a girlfriend.
She is not asking for much after all
He is cheap. My girlfriend know how to use me, and I take her to dinner all the time and it's me who pays.
That's because I have a job and she is student. And because.. I am crazy about her.
I am a girl and no matter how poor you are, it is just propor edict to pay for the girl!! If he is that poor then he should not take you out untill he can. From the looks of it though he isn't too poor and I would break up with him.
Maybe but if you really like him and he cant afford it then maybe you should pay for some things
Did they do away w women's lib? Women fought so hard for that I thought?
What happened to gender equality? Women wanted that. So they shouldnt expect to be paid for if you want to be equal
Haha. This is funny.
Talking about equality when guys can...
Carry a baby for 9 months..
Give birth. Endure great pain.
And spend at least equal amount of time doing housework and child care.
Doing the same job but get paid 10k less in a year.
Otherwise stfu and take your responsibilities and pay more in a relationship!
Honey, it doesn't take a "guy" to answer your question. The reason he won't pay for anything is because he knows you will pay. The question you should be asking is: "Why do I pay for everything?"
Dump his sorry a** and tell the gigilo to find some other insecure chump to keep him!
If you are "hot" most guys will most likely pay for everything. The problem I have with it is that it is expected for some reason. Hell nowadays everything costs so damn much I just don't think the man should be strapped with all the costs.
Ha ok thats real nice. I am definitely not ugly. Im thin, and very fit my face is not covered in zits or anything like that and i dont have some nasty butch haircut. I have long hair. And, yes i have tits too. That is a little insulting.
he is using you. dump him right away. a REAL MAN WILL PAY FOR EVERYTHING AND TAKE CARE OF YOU NO MATTER WHAT AND BE THERE FOR YOU THROUGH THICK AND THIN.
YOU ARE ONLY BRINGING YOURSELF DOWN BY BEING WITH HIM!!!
What a bum, using you to pay for everything??? Get a new boyfriend that isn't so cheap.
hmm sounds like my ex, his name isnt mitch is it? lol hes a waste of time it took me 2 years to figure that out with my ex.. id have to scrounge up my coins to get us a pack of smokes and id have to get him food when he was hungry.. he didnt have a vehicle so i had to take him everywhere and get the food... ya it got worse and worse then i met trevor and i never thought a guy like him existed he buys me stuff without question cuz he wants to see me smile and ya ull find that guy just dump that bum! :P
Why the hell should he have to pay for your shit? Hes nice enough to treat you for fancy dinners every now and then. Do you buy him smokes and beer? Women have been fighting for equality for so long, just get a damn job and buy your own cancer sticks.
You've been with him 15 months. Okay. Well, you're obviously not very happy and he has Cheap Bastard Syndrome. He probably won't get any better (people are who they are). How much *more* time are you going to waste on him. Isn't it better to call it quits at 15 months than at 10 years? I would think about moving on.
MY BOYFRIEND USED TO BE LIKE THAT BUT YOU HAVE TO LAY IT ON THE LINE..AND MAKE HIM JEALOUS AND THEN HE'S ALL OVER YOU AND BUYING YOU EVERYTHING YOUR HEART DESIRES
LOL! Thanks for someone finally understanding where im coming from with this and not calling me greedy or white trash!! And thanks for the advice!
I think your first post might have mislead some of us as to what is hapening.
When I first read your post, I was "what makes you entitled to demand he buys your smokes?". Your later posts changed that to "what kind of wuzz is he mooching of his GF?".
Short answer is he acts cheap - but since he is out of work he may have no choice. I would say that if each of you contribute to shared fun based on your income, it's good - if not one of you is using the other.
Well that is your opinion and he smokes too so i really dont think thats a problem for him. Besides smoking has nothing to do with my personality or how i act as a person.
i might be a boy but i spend all i can on my gf tell him if ur still cheap before 1 week were done
I can completely understand although ur situation is more apparent that ur guy is not pulling his weight & its a dealbreaker. Ur young & he doesn't sound like he's got alot going for him. U shud jst cut ur losses. My guy thinks that we shud pay half half. N this upsets me alot because I work hard shift work n get paid significantly less than him. All these guys who argue equality, shutup!! Wages are still not equal! My fear is that my bf will possibly continue this attitude towards money into marriage. It's to the point where I can see him pushing me into work asap after babies, romance will die cause he won't ever lash out on me (he never does anyway apart frm average bday/Xmas pressies). I may sound like I'm whingeing but our first date consisted of my using vouchers frm my work to "pay for our movie" and all our movies for the 6mnths following that. Last wk I didn't get paid due administration faults so for the whole fortnight I have got absolutely no more spending money left for anything, including food and train fares. I keep telling him this & even then there was no offer to help, his words "jst because u dnt want to put ur hands into ur savings dnt expect to get handouts & lowering other ppls savings" I'm literally talking about $20 spending money to get me through a few days. Geeze is he really worth it after 3yrs. Ps my father paid for everything growing up, n my bfs sister has kids n her hubby pays for everything too. That's how I've been brought up. But I dnt expect that. All I'm saying is instead of 100/0 or 50/50 it should be 60(guy)/40(girl) as girls sacrifice yrs of their own personal career lives to raise a family too!
If he wont pay now what future do yous have. So many young girls put up with this today yous should wake up to yourselves and ditch these losers. I bet he gets plenty of sex off you
if you want to prouve a point stop buying ciggs for awhile if hes desperate for some hell buy some (if you can) or you could pretend you quit smoking, forcing him to buy some.
lol everyone's comments are hilarious.
You want an honest opinion?
A partner is equal. You are not a prostitute and it is not 1950. If women want to be equal, then you need to act that way.
Alternatively, he may not be that into you and doesn't want to waste his money on your cigarettes.
To the comments of women being "equal" and not prostitutes:
Women are still not equal, they have lots of pressure placed on accepted and having a good appearance in society. They are mocked & sexualized and live in fear. A man spending money on his woman shows the woman that he places value on her and he cares about her, and it makes her feel cared for and protected.
Also, typically when women have sex with men it is more beneficial to the man since men do it because they want to and a lot of women (in case studies) do it because they want to please their man.
So a woman putting out to a man who does not want to show he places value on her, especially when he makes more money? Not worth the time of day, total garbage.
ive got a head ache, thought id be random to start my comment, anyway, where was i, ermmmm, does he know you want him to pay for some things ? but if he can even buy you a pack of ciggys he sounds like a prick, it shouldnt matter wether your pretty or not, if a guys with you, he shold at least be a gent and buy you something every now and again, even if its a can of coke.
drop smoking and drinking morons, then you can actually AFFORD going on a decent date once and a while.
btw does he have a job?
no job, no money, end of story
He does sound like a cheap bastard, but I think it should be a 50/50 deal when it comes to the day to day expenses that you incur. Try cutting him off for a few weeks and when he asks you "why" just tell him hes to cheap, and you are losing interest.
why wont he pay to take you out? because its the 21st century and women can get good jobs. theres nothing romantic or chivalrous about getting money off someone. grow up and be independent
God i am really sick of these comments. I posted this story ages ago. Guess what?? I have two jobs. He doesnt even have one! Wouldnt the 21st century imply a bit of equality?? Taking turns to pay for things? Or am i just supposed to pick up all the bills and be his little sugar mama? Im not asking to be showered in jewelry and dinners. I would like to treated once in a blue moon considering i treat him every week!
In the 21st century the person with more money should pay for more things. When my wife and I were dating I made a lot more money than her so I paid for most things we did together, because she wouldn't have been able to afford to pay to do those things herself. I don't see why it should have been different if I were the woman and she were the man.
More doesn't mean all, though, if he has any money at all he should be paying for things at least occasionally. Just stop treating him and start refusing to share your cigarettes and beer with him if he hasn't treated you recently.
tell him to stop being such a cheap bastard and bitch slap him into place, get out that whip!!
sort him out!! good luck with him!
I have a boyfriend that does the same thing. You have to take into consideration his perspective of expenses.
Ya see, my boyfriend doesn't make as much money as I do. While he does have a desire to do nice things for me and wants to take me out to dinner, he really can't afford it. I can't be selfish enough to expect him to take care of all our couple's expenses when I know he's also trying to pay his own rent.
Just remember, the man who gives you everything he can spare, even if it is only a few cents, is giving much more than the man who buys you nice things and still has money to spend on himself. I hope you catch my drift.
So you expect him to pay for your cigarettes? Come on! Pay for your own shit. Treating you to dinner occassionally and buying you presents sometimes is expected, beyond that is just old fashioned. Unless you're a house wife you can't expect him to pay for you all the time. You earn your own money.
Jesus christ....Im not complaining. Thats my story. I told it. You dont like it, dont comment, move on to the next one.
Yeah i definitely dont want him breaking his wallet over me, i just was raised seeing my dad pay for everything for my mom. I dont think him taking me out to dinner once a month is that much to ask, but he seems to think differently.
why dont you buy the cigarettes lol
you stop being cheap!!!
maybe he doesnt like buying you shit like that?
does he not like you smoking maybe thats why ><
I don't fcking get it. Why the FUCK should he be paying anything for you? Why don't you pay him?!?
You chicks wanted equality suck it up and shut the fuck up.
I'm a hot girl and every guy has always paid for me. I am also a college graduate and have an amazing job and make $$$...and I am a very strong woman.
I have a boyfriend just like yours where I pay for 90% of everything. At first, I tried to break up with him (after 2 weeks, always easier to let go when it's early) and kick him to the curb (even though he is hot) coz' I know I can get a very good man who makes a lot of money but he talked me out of it. So, I was patient and reassessed everything. And I made him the exception to my rule of not dating a man who does not have a college degree and makes less than me because he is a good man, he pays attention to me and he loves me.
If your man tells you he loves you and he is good to you and he can explain his circumstances for not being able to pay for most of everything (child support, back taxes, etc) and it makes sense, keep him. He must however, be able to take you out to eat once in a while, buy you cards and a present on special occassions.
If not, he is using you and you need to kick him out of your life. Get the courage to let him go. Or if you have trouble letting go, start preparing yourself to do so by improving yourself, hang out more with your girlfriends, build a better skill for work and get a better job. Work on yourself. He might get the message and shape up. But you may open your eyes as you get stronger and finally kick him to the curb coz now you are more marketable to better men. Whatever you do, do NOT plan a future with him. Slowly wean him out of your life.
He does not deserve you. And you do NOT deserve to be used.
You deserve a loving, caring and gentle man who can take care of you not just monetarily but emotionally and physically. If you aren't feeling satisfied then make preparations to leave...but set your plans in motion quickly...there is a kind, loving and generous man waiting for you.
He practices gender equality - the REAL kind, not the hypocrisy of feminists.
You should be happy he get's you anniversary and birthday gifts. At least he don't forget. So why need somkes? Obviously you want to have cancer so I'll let it be that way.
break up with him, if u dont u will regret it and you will be poor as shit.
You should both be paying 50% of everything you share. Every date, every pack of cigarettes if you share them, every pack of beer, whatever else you guys are into - 50% each.
Maybe the guy just knows how to use his money wisely? You said he gets you nice birthday/anniversary gifts. why waste money on cigs and beer when you can buy gifts that mean something special and last forever. He's probably struggling like the rest of us in this tough world. Don't let money be the reason you dump somebody. Just because he's tight on cash doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
What is it with all the prostitute comments - she is not asking for him to buy her everything - she is asking for him to contribute. So it is at least 50/50. And from what I read - it is not. She is buying all the cigarettes. All these comments about prostitutes are from guys who are doing the same thing - letting their girlfriends pay for everything. I am kind of in the same situation, I buy all the food and am just waiting for him to pitch in - and he never does. It makes me very sad to see this because I know what it means, that he is not serious about me. If he was, he would INVEST in this relationship, and he is not. So for the time being, I am having fun and enjoying my relationship but I don't know if I see a future. I don't know if I can entrust my entire life to a man who won't even buy me a bottle of water while we are out. My advice to you, if you are happy and enjoying your time with him, go with it, but take your heart out of the relationship and take it for what it is, a good time, for now.
Sounds cheap unlesshe saves all his money to buy you gifts you should talk to him about it
Anal rape him with a strap on that'll teach him not to be a cheap mother asshole
smoking and drinking is bad but he should buy you things because he is with you but it's not proper for a woman to beg.
Stupid bitch, pay for it yourself and instead of being like a lot of woman "WAHHH IM SO FUCKING POOR I WILL JUST SPEND MY BFS MONEY ON USELESS SHIT I DON'T NEED!" You call him poor yet you can't afford a pack of cigarettes.
Your a dumb ass or your a ugly fattie with no self esteem! And you think your shit head BF is the best thing your able to get. Why should he pay for anything YOU DO and I'm sure he is getting the milk without paying for the cow.
Check yourself you may be one of those women that enjoys being degraded and abused. I wish I new you, I would defintely abuse the shit out of you and it would be a turn on.
He's a cheap bastard. If he doesn't take you out to places, maybe he's embrassed to be seen in public with you.
Just ask yourself, do you think this is something you can live with for the rest of your life? Is he willing to talk about it or change? If the answers to these questions is NO...then DUMP HIS ASS. You aren't his momma. Kids are expensive, mortgage, vacation, etc. If he won't even buy his own damn smokes...he can kick rocks.
Because hes not a fucking jagoff who wants to be used, now if you live together thats different
OMG, if i tell u my bf what he is doing to me u will shock!!!!! i feel that i am his mom nor his gf, he is working and his family r protecting him, but i am student and he wants me to pay all the time for foods or this stuff. i feel so bad when i pay...cuz i am not in a good finance stituation! if he doesn want to pay for me he can still pay his part...its too much for me!!! whenever he asks me do u want to eat anything? i just say NO even i be hungry cuz i know he wants me to pay for him too....i know he is using me but when i get angry start fighting to him or break up he just cry to pretend that he loves me...if u guys have ny suggestion, plz let me know! i really need help!!!
why don't you buy your own cigarettes? if he didn't have to fight all the time about getting into your pants maybe he would want to buy them
Oh god, I'm going through the SAME thing. although I just quit smoking about 3 days ago... Regardless, from the moment I met him I was paying for everything, but also, that's because I have a job. Well, used to... I don't get it though, he's able to buy me the new iPhone for Christmas, says all these things, but, I haven't seen him ONCE go and be like "I'm getting a job today!" God forbid... I know it's hard to discuss these things with your significant other, but when YOU become in debt because of cigarettes... it's NOT fun hunny, not at all... I suggest you talk to him about this issue, that eventually you would like to be treated at least once in a while and that the money tree is dying, unless HE plants another one, till then, you need to stop this dear. It becomes like a habit for them to think "Oh well it's okay, she'll help me out"
Well, diamonds aren't forever and so are relationships! This is why I hate money :) Tell him to get off his ass!!!
Lmaoo, what an asshole. My eyes would burn if I was that cheap towards my girlfriend.. Make sure you don't marry him!
if hes anything like me he probally doesnt have the money, i dont even got the money to bring my self out at the moment so how am i even gonna think bout bringin my girlfriend out
Wow...1st of all, yes...I agree. A relationship is 50/50. However, think about...is he meeting most of your other needs...besides just money...assuming that there is a good reason he's saving or without money-like he's in med school, etc. If not, you're compromising too much, and you should walk away before you invest too much time with a person you will ultimately regret spending too many years of your life with. Women are often the ones who make the most sacrifices in relationships ... simply bc they value relationships a lot--helps when raising kids and is often part of a woman's biology,etc. However, you must be strong to be willing to make it out there on your own. When you can earn your own way and have no emotional issues about being on your own for awhile--and the guy knows it--this is your greatest bargaining chip as well. Live happy and free of losers like this guy may be. Do this simple test to create some sense of awareness about your situation-- Ask yourself if you would let someone else treat you this way-like a boss who wants to postpone paying you till next month or a cleaning service who wants their fees up front but doesn't show up to do the work. And if you would allow this to go on...think about under what circumstances and for how long. Good Luck.
actually after reading your other comments, its clear that he's a bum and using you. its really common actually. a lot of people just go through life using one person after the next. they're insincere, abusive, phonies. its not worth your time or money. get rid of the leech.
with the price of cigarettes being so high now you should really put up your own money. why should he pay for something you are addicted to? but otherwise i agree, if he wont pay for anything he's making a statement that he wont pay for you. if he didn't want to support you that would be one thing but refusing to take you out for dinner and a movie is really unromantic and only something a douche bag would do. i don't think its normal.
poor baster. What you have ran into is a mucher who a sack of crap that what to live they he wants. Which means he wants to control you i say kick his ass to the curve and let him be depress for a couple of moths or weeks. and he'll crawl back. that would mean you can be in control of the relationship. If that does't work your love pity of bullshit.
Sounds like a cheap damned bastard. You should dump him asap and find a guy who cares about you. Of course, if you expect a guy to pay for EVERY thing, then you are probably s.o.l. Some girls are like that.
my bf is a cheap bastard too, but not in the way yours is..mine will buy me dinner, take me out, buy me clothes or shoes, or whatever my heart desires to make me happy [except an engagment ring fucker, but no pressure] he just likes to look for deals on every single thing. you just need to dump your loser and find someone to take care of you.
I do not know how old you are, but why do you both smoke. Its not normal to knowingly abuse your body. I would be more concerned about my health and worry about relationship issues later.
I can definitely relate to this. It sounds identical to what my boyfriend and I went through about a year ago.
And I don't think you're white trash. Everyone is too judgmental! Nothing wrong with beer and cigarettes.
Basically, what you need to do is have a serious conversation with him. Let him know how you're feeling and how much his behavior is upsetting you. And it can start small, too. If you are at the grocery store getting something ask, "Honey, could you cover this..."
Or what I always like to do...(my sneak attack) is IF you have been paying for everything for awhile and you go out to get something. Coffee, sandwiches, DVDs, whatever. Go into your purse and sadly reach for your wallet. You need to look straight up DEPRESSED. Then do an "Oh geez...." or something, shaking your head is always a plus.
Make sure you stall as long as possible and be extremely ambiguous, that way he doesn't know what you are looking for. You could be getting Chapstick for all he knows. After an awkward silence he SHOULD have the little light bulb go off in his head saying, "Wow. She really has been paying for a lot. Maybe I should cover it for once." Then he will say, "It's okay, honey. I've got it."
Then, you act shocked. Like he was "in a wheelchair and started walking" kind of shocked. Mind you, this tactic may not work on the first try, but trial and error is a magical thing, and after awhile he should get the idea.
...And if you've talked to him about the situation, you've used the "sneak attack" for a considerable amount of time and he STILL does nothing...Then, you might want to think about moving on.
because you always pay he used to it
dont tell him nothing he will get ungry
he will get it
hey i can buy you evrything im rich lol
you should prob start thinking about finding another guy.
heres an example.
my ex used to pay for absolutely everything for me - even when i objected to it..after we broke up we stayed friends and i was around to meet and hang out with his new girlfriends that came and went... he never paid for a thing with these girls and made them pay for everything. food,drinks,fuel, u name it. when three of us would go out he would always offer to pay for me and not his girl so id offer to pay for HER. it was really messed up and disrespectful and i stopped being friends with him.
it all depends on how much a guy likes a girl i think, at the least he should offer to pay half. dont let him use you.
Could it be the power dynamic you have established in your relationship? Are you the one calling the shots or is he? Traditionally the one who "asks out" the other one pays for the date. So you should hold back a little and let him ask you out.
If thats not the case, maybe your bf wasn't raised the way you were to see how your dad treated your mom. Lot of people, their parents were separated so they don't have role models, or they have bad ones.
For me, I am always happy to pay for stuff, and I'll do so as long as I feel like it's appreciated... There are a few things that I won't buy for a girl such as pharmacy things and medical/spa services.
When it comes down to it, some people are just not generous with others, and they don't give to charity, don't tip the bellman, don't tip the bartenders, and if thats the case, you have to figure out if that will work.
ciggs? beer?....sounds like white trash to me...keep beg'n for ciggs hun.
I don't beg for cigarettes, thanks, i buy my own. However, that is not the point. He ALSO smokes cigarettes--my cigarettes. And does not buy any in return. I was more getting at the fact he can be a real mooch. As for the beer--dont you ever get together with a group of friends and hang out, drink, play some cards? Or have a bonfire and drink? Most people like to relax on the weekends after a long week at work. Or are you just an unemployed asshole with no friends and no social life to speak of? Not to mention--i have a profile pic--do i really shout "white trash" to you?
Make him start paying for a little tail and he'll change his tone.Tell him you put out when he does.
Why? Because he is a real immature guy who feels over-entitled, needs to be needy, and is used to using. He practically puts you in the position of being his mother. Tell the baby to grow up real fast or you'll walk. If you think that will change him. Probably it won't. So just go find yourself a man who is all grown up and is your equal.
Um I would say...He doesn't buy into the bullshit of supporting the woman. and is probably a cheap bastard too. Who cant throw down on a case? But, the not getting cigarettes thing i did that to my ex too. I dont know why. I think it was a subconcious game to see who would win.
As long as the sex is good, stop worrying about the money! Pay for your own damned smokes!
He is clearly using you for cash. If I was you I would clearly set the rules of the relationship or leave him.
Baby, He's a Pimp! he is getting you to pay for everything cause he thinks he's the shit. and what's wrong with that? women have been pimping men for eternity.
well hay i would do any thing for my girl but thas just it just talk to him i mean its a thing for guys to love there money it is like what we was put on this earth to do but never over a girl